I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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