Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
