its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
