Tell her she can't have a vagina
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
