she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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