So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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