I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
