I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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