When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize