non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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