Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
