somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
