Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
