I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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