I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
