you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
being pregnant is like rehab
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
