Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
