thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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