when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
