Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
