so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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