would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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