dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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