Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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