Michael Bay diarrhea
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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