Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
