That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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