strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
