Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
