I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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