Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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