hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
