Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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