I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
