so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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