Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
