just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
