well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
