Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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