Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
