Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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