she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize