My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Randomize
