We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
