So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Even my vagina gasped.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
