addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
