If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
