Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
