Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
