Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
