having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
