I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
