his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
sex in a hospital.. check
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
