if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
