It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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