I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
