TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
