Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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