Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize