Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
whose ass print is on the piano?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
