I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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