It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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