God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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