ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
