I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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