your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
