This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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