she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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