Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
